this is seriously my favorite episode
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
that was a wild ride
this cat looks stoked as hell
thats just butter in a hotdog bun
Men still have trouble recognizing that a woman can be complex, can have ambition, good looks, sexuality, erudition and common sense. A woman can have all those facets, and yet men, in literature and in drama, seem to need to simplify women, to polarize us as either the whore or the angel. - Natalie Dormer
she could walk over my body in 5 inch heels like I was a piece of a carpet and I’d probably thank her
raising awareness for turtle bullying.
a growing problem.
A very slowly growing problem.
This gets funnier and funnier every time I see it
Everyone always talks about how amazing of an architect Elsa is, but have we all forgotten about Tarzan’s parents who built an awesome tree house by themselves while caring for their infant child…?
farewell my love
she is petrified and so am i
how do astronauts say they’re sorry?
We dont apologize.
we are perfect.
nasa i know of at least 2 exploded spaceships that beg to differ
i hate when people just throw plans at me like hey wanna hang out tonight or hey let’s go to the mall right now
are you insane i need like a few days in advance to prepare myself to socialize
Ugh this is annoying
The fork pissed me off so much.
I like to hangout with people that make me forget to look at my phone